What is Intimacy Anorexia?
Intimacy anorexia is a relationship disorder that is driven by an absence of intimacy (physical or otherwise) in a relationship. It happens when somebody in a relationship effectively withhold passionate, spiritual, and sexual closeness from their partner or spouse. This absence of intimacy hurts the marriage, harms the relationship, causing pain and loneliness, and affects the spouse or partner substantially. It is a hidden addiction. The manner in which it presents itself in a relationship or marriage is not readily clear. In fact, the signs and manifestations can be mistaken for different disorders or conditions.
Signs of Intimacy Anorexia
It can get extremely difficult to figure if your partner or spouse has intimacy anorexia. So here is a list of possible behavioral patterns to look out for. If they portray most of these tell-tale signs, it’s time they sought help.
At the point when your partner is continually trying to stay busy, starting with one thing then onto the next and is always unavailable for intimate “partner time”, treat it as a visible sign of possibility of intimacy anorexia. Numerous intimacy anorexics make themselves occupied and invest energy getting things done for themselves as well as other people, however their partner is never their priority.
- Blame Game
When an individual with intimacy anorexia discusses issues in their relationship, it is always the partner’s fault, according to them. The anorexic will never recognize the role they play and will incessantly blame their partner. At the point when this conduct is drawn out into the open, they tend to get defensive.
- With hold affection and sex
Since intimacy anorexics have no cravings for intimate experiences, they regularly withhold acts related with love and affection. However, they seldom give the outside world signs of the issues that exist in their private life. This issue can surpass withholding and may reach the level of purposefully sabotaging moments of intimacy, particularly when such times may prompt sexual experiences.
- Inexpressive behavior
Regardless of whether they are reluctant or feel inadequate, intimacy anorexics generally won't express their emotions. Rather, they disguise their feelings and act like they can read their partner’s mind, as well. Rather than asking what their partner is thinking, the anorexic ordinarily comes with negative thoughts and gives those unjustified assumptions a chance to control their reaction and conduct.
- Criticism (Not constructive)It doesn't make a difference if it's the garments the partner is wearing or how they are managing kids, an intimacy anorexic can find faults and mistakes with everything. While it may not happen in public, at home, the anorexic is often found belittling their partner. Inevitably, this causes the non-intimacy anorexic partner to pull themselves back; as they believe they can't do anything right. This ends up hindering their self confidence.
- Silent treatment
Just as it is with different anorexics, the intimacy anorexic has a constant urge to control, and one way they accomplish it is through the silent treatment and creating distance. Whenever furious or upset, rather than taking a seat and discussing the issue, they shut down and go into silent mode. This does not happen because they want to withdraw from the relationship, but because they feel it’s a workable (toxic) method to control their partner’s conduct and emotional status. This lets the anorexic feel like they have the power in the relationship (and they need that control).
- Money shaming
Another type of control an intimacy anorexic depends on is money. They make sure that their partner’s accessibility to money is incredibly restricted. Anorexics can spend and do what they want and as much as they want with money, yet their partner needs to legitimize costs or gets shamed for purchases.
Causes of Intimacy Anorexia
The reasons for intimacy anorexia have four levels. To begin with, this individual may have endured sexual maltreatment. Second, they can be explicitly dependent on pornography, masturbation, or sex with others outside of the marriage (this is a critical factor for most male anorexics). Third, they lack connection with the opposite gender parent. Fourth, they could have experienced no attachment or role modeling of intimacy in their family.
It is imperative to address intimacy anorexia just when you realize it. Relationships and marriages without intimacy turn out to be tense, distant and damaged until the time it feels like you don't know who your partner is any more. Since the anorexia is altogether influencing the two individuals in the relationship, professional help and coaching is highly recommended.
What is Holistic Coaching?
Holistic coaching focuses on overall wellness of the individuals and adopts unique strategies for a unified body-spirit balancing. Coaches encourage participating in a 12 Step program, in which intimacy anorexics are urged to work in an orderly fashion to build mindfulness and adapt progressively positive methods for relating with others. People who work through the procedure gain a developing familiarity with the numerous decisions they make every day.
The Methods of Holistic Coaching for Intimacy Anorexia
- The 12 Step Program
The 12 Steps were made to set up rules for the ideal approach to conquer intimacy anorexia. Despite it relying heavily on spiritualism, several non-religious people reported that they found it to be immensely helpful during their difficult times. Here are the basic 12 steps.
- Admitting that one is powerless due to intimacy anorexia.
- Agreement to the fact that a greater Power can help regain sanity.
- Deciding to combine will power and faith in higher power to overcome intimacy anorexia.
- Making a fearless inventory of self.
- Admitted to God who has the correct idea of our wrongs.
- Being completely prepared to have god remove every one of these imperfections or shortcomings.
- Modestly requesting that he remove the inadequacies or shortcomings.
- Making a list of people that have been hurt and to offering some kind of amends to them all.
- Making direct amends to such individuals wherever possible.
- Consistently taking individual inventory and admitting one’s wrongs.
- Meditating to enhance cognizant contact with God or higher power, praying for the information of His will for us and the ability to overcome intimacy anorexia.
- Having gained spiritual awakening as the result of these means and attempting to convey this message to other intimacy anorexics.
- The 12 Step Program
- Somato Emotional Repatterning (SER)
Somato Emotional Repatterning is a methodology that uses mind-body methodologies to figure out uneven patterns in the meridian (or energy stream) system of an individual. This misalignment can lead to physical side effects rising in the individual and can thus result in unaddressed traumatic or other mental issues, which cause them to withhold intimacy with their partner.
The Benefits of Holistic Coaching
Alternative methods and holistic coaching are gaining popularity. Here’s why:
- The most important factor is that the coaches take the addict and help him overcome the addiction by investing time in understanding the root cause of the problem that led them to it. They then work on ways to eliminate it and bring back the real self.
- Since it involves eliminating the problem itself in gradual phases using various methods, and not just the elimination of symptoms, you can be sure that there’s no underlying issue left inside the body or mind anymore.
- The focus is on channeling the positive energy in your body and ways to unleash it.
- Holistic approaches are natural and lack any uses of toxic substances. This makes them clean and really fresh, thus making you, too, feel the same.
- In this approach, you will feel important. Your coach will be there to listen to you to guide you better. He/she will invest time in your recovery period. Letting go of the pain and scarring will get far easier when you have someone to talk to. The feelings of shame and regret will only become parts of a temporary phase.
- Another key feature of holistic coaching is that coaches not only focus on your present, but also help you make your future better.
How Can We Help?
Getting holistic coaching by Certified Addictionologist (C.Ad), Michael Roth, who specializes in the areas of sex addiction recovery, is going to prove to be beneficial. Michael is a Certified Sexual Addiction Recovery Coach (SRC); Certified Intimacy Anorexia Coach, and a national Certified life and recovery coach. His experience in the field has helped many clients overcome addiction and regain control over their lives. He has devoted the last thirty years of his life practicing and continually learning new, cutting-edge modalities to help his clients in times of distress and establish the much needed mind/body connection.
Regaining Early Life
There is hope for recovery from intimacy anorexia. By facing their deepest fears about closeness, vulnerability and sex itself, anorexics can begin to move towards the rewarding human interactions that make for a happy and healthy life. In the event that you think you have an issue, it would be ideal if you consider connecting with somebody you can trust and getting help. Once the process is over, you will feel like a newer, fresher person. Your will power is what is going to play a significant role in helping you fight intimacy anorexia. Recognizing the issues that drove you to this will be essential in helping you pursue the path to recovery. When you figure out the real issue that you’ve been ignoring all along because of intimacy anorexia, It will enable you to make a positive change that will significantly help you advance towards beating it.
If you or someone you love is struggling with an addiction, please don’t wait. Help is available! Call my office now at (805) 256-0372. Let’s begin working together to break this vicious cycle of addiction.