Love addiction, otherwise called relationship dependence and romance addiction, is a dangerous need to fall or be in love. Love addicts' lives are usually centered around the urge that comes with the feeling and thought of romance. The intensity of this feeling creates a rush of dopamine, adrenaline, oxytocin, serotonin, and various other endorphins. The overall feeling is very similar to that obtained by those who are victims of substance abuse, such as cocaine, heroin, etc. This is the "high" of love addiction. Love addicts think they're seeking true love, lasting affection, however, in reality; they are only ceaselessly pursuing the rush that comes with feelings of new romance. Individuals under the “spell” fail to understand that this initial time in a relationship is short lived and not a characteristic of a sound, developed closeness.
While the reasons for love addiction vary from one individual to another, the usually observed reason has a lot to do with traumatic childhood experiences. These commonly revolve around physical or sexual mistreatment, or (and) abandonment, more often than not by a parent or a guardian. During these developmental years, early associations with parental figures prepare the person for his/her love life later, and love addicts frequently end up being insecure about relationships with others. Rather than confronting the weaknesses of their existence, love addicts live in a dreamland where they're relentlessly looking for the relationship they have always dreamed of — a "flawless" relationship (which doesn’t exist).
The early symptoms of love addiction include:
- Mistaking sexual encounters and new romance feeling for love
- Continually wanting and looking for a romantic relationship
- At the point when in a relationship, being frantic to please the partner and fearful of the partner’s unhappiness
- At the point when not in a relationship, feeling edgy and lonely
- Failure to keep up a cozy relationship once the freshness and initial excitement have worn off
- Thinking that it’s terrible or sincerely hard to be separated from people
- At the point when not in a relationship, habitually using sex and fantasies to fill the loneliness
- Picking potential partners who are emotionally unavailable or potentially verbally or physically harmful
- Picking partners who request a lot of attention and caretaking however who don't meet, or even attempt to meet, your enthusiastic or physical needs
- Surrendering critical interests, convictions, or companionships to boost the relationship or to satisfy a romantic partner
- Utilizing sex, enticement, and control (blame/disgrace) to be hooked on to the existing partner
- Utilizing sex or emotional blackmails to endure troublesome encounters or feelings
- Using anonymous sex, pornography, or compulsive masturbation to abstain from "requiring" somebody
- Thinking that its troublesome or difficult to let go of unhealthy or oppressive relationships in spite of rehashed promises to oneself or others to do as such
While every single sentimental relationship may show some of the above signs, with love addicts, there is a steady pattern of at least one (typically more) of the signs, and that design eventually starts raising negative life outcomes, in the long run.
Consequences of love addiction
With every form of addiction, there are repercussions that injure a person, as a whole. Here are some of them.
- Relationship problems (with spouse, romantic partners, children, family members, or friends)
- Divorce or breakup of a meaningful relationship
- Interference with school and / or job performance due to obsessions and inability to focus
- Damage to reputation
- Anxiety and / or depression
- Shame and guilt
- Low self-esteem, self-loathing
- Stress-related health issues
- Increased risk of getting an STD
- Developing other self-destructive behaviors as coping mechanisms (e.g. masochism, alcohol abuse, drug abuse, compulsive overeating, excessive spending, etc.)
- Legal problems (e.g. as a result of stalking or sexual harassment charges)
- Suicidal thoughts, suicide attempts, or completed suicide
Recognizing the symptoms
It is difficult to understand whether or not one is an addict. To make it easier, here’s a list of questions to ask yourself.
- Did you once believe that if somebody just adored you in that "special way", you would remain happy for the rest of your life?
- Is it accurate to say that you were/are always preoccupied with the thoughts of love as communicated in music, films, and TV series?
- Have you endeavored to talk yourself into loving somebody you weren't especially attracted to in light of the fact that you required the love right then?
- Have you been in an disempowering relationship or repeatedly came back to an ex-partner since you couldn't stand to be alone?
- When you are in a committed relationship, do you wonder if you made the RIGHT choice?
- Have you used the words "perfect partner" in reference to how love should be?
- Is it true that you are ready to take the required time to mend and do an intensive contemplation on a failed relationship before heading out to find another "companion", which rapidly turns into a rebound partner?
- Do you expect from your lover to make you feel loved?
If your answer to most of these questions is affirmative, it is likely that you’re an addict, but don’t feel too badly about it, for there are ways to get out of this cycle.
The initial phase in recovering from love addiction is to understand the underlying issue. Just like battling any other addiction, the procedure can be challenging. Feelings of withdrawal may emerge. Recovering love addicts may need to confront unresolved childhood pain. Be that as it may, with assistance, individuals can break the cycle of love addiction and proceed to shape genuinely satisfying and close relationships.
Holistic coaching focuses on overall wellness of the individuals and adopts unique strategies for a unified body-spirit balancing. Coaches encourage participating in a 12 Step program, in which love addicts are urged to work in an orderly fashion to build mindfulness and adapt progressively positive methods for relating with others. People who work through the procedure gain a developing familiarity with the numerous decisions they face every day.
Methods of Holistic Coaching for Love Addiction
The 12 - Step Program
The 12 Steps were made by the authors of Alcoholics Anonymous to set up rules for the ideal approach to conquer love addiction. Despite it relying heavily on spiritualism, several non-religious people reported that they found it to be immensely helpful during their difficult times. Here are the basic 12 steps.
- Admitting that one is powerless due to love addiction.
- Agreement to the fact that a greater Power can help regain sanity.
- Deciding to combine will power and faith in God to overcome love addiction.
- Making a fearless inventory of oneself.
- Admitted to God who has the correct idea of our wrongs.
- Being completely prepared to have God remove every one of these imperfections.
- Modestly requesting that He remove the inadequacies.
- Making a list of people that have been hurt and to offering some kind of amends to them all.
- Making direct amends to such individuals wherever possible.
- Consistently taking individual inventory and admitting one’s wrongs.
- Meditating to enhance cognizant contact with God, praying for the information of His will for us and the ability to overcome love addiction.
- Having gained spiritual awakening as the result of these means and attempting to convey this message to other love addicts.
Somato Emotional Repatterning
Somato Emotional Repatterning is a methodology that uses mind-body methodologies to figure out uneven patterns in the meridian (or energy stream) system of an individual. This misalignment can lead to physical side effects rising in the individual and can thus result in unaddressed traumatic or other mental issues, which cause him/her to get addicted to love-like feelings.
Benefits of Holistic Coaching
Alternative methods and holistic coaching are gaining popularity. Here’s why:
- The most important factor is that the coaches take the addict and help him overcome the addiction by investing time in understanding the root cause of the problem that led them to love addiction. They then work on ways to eliminate it and bring back the real self.
- Since it involves eliminating the problem itself in gradual phases using various methods, and not just the elimination of symptoms, you can be sure that there’s no underlying issue left inside your body or mind anymore.
- The focus is on channeling the positive energy in your body and ways to unleash it.
- Holistic approaches are natural and lack any uses of toxic substances. This makes them clean and really fresh, thus making you, too, feel the same.
- In this approach, you will feel important. Your coach will be there to listen to you to guide you better. He/she will invest time in your recovery period. Letting go of the pain and scarring will get far easier when you have someone to talk to. The feelings of shame and regret will only become parts of a temporary phase.
- Another key feature of holistic coaching is that coaches not only focus on your present, but also help you make your future better.
How can we help?
Getting holistic coaching by Certified Addictionologist (C.Ad), Michael Roth, who specializes in the areas of sex addiction recovery is going to prove to be beneficial. Michael is a Certified Sexual Addiction Recovery Coach (SRC); Certified Intimacy Anorexia Coach, and a national Certified - life Coach and recovery coach. His experience in the field has helped many clients overcome addiction and regain control over their lives. He has devoted the last thirty years of his life practicing and continually learning new, cutting-edge modalities to help his clients in times of distress and establish the much needed mind/body connection.
Regaining your early life
There is hope for recovery from love addiction. In the event that you think you have an issue, it would be ideal if you consider connecting with somebody you can trust and getting help. Once the process is over, you will feel like a newer, fresher person. Your will power is what is going to play a significant role in helping you fight love addiction. Recognizing the issues that drove you to this will be essential in helping you pursue the path to recuperation. When you figure out the real issue that you’ve been ignoring all along because of love addiction, I can enable you to make a positive change that will significantly help you advance towards beating it.
If you or someone you love is struggling with an addiction, please don’t wait. Help is available! Call my office now at (805) 256-0372. Let’s begin working together to break this vicious cycle of addiction.