Love addicts tend to know who they but are unable to do much about it. After all, knowing doesn’t change the unconscious drive to be in love. But knowing you have love addiction can set the wheels in motion for breaking the love addiction pattern.
Love addicts, after a bad relationship, can often be seen complaining about things like:
“Wrong relationship. I’ll not repeat this. I’ll make sure I find someone who isn’t like this one.”
“I’ll be a little more careful next time.”
I just need someone to spend some time with. I’m done with dating.”
However, if you have not grown or learnt from your past relationships, the outcome remains the same:
If you seek someone the exact opposite of the last one, it’s highly unlikely that you will succeed. You will go to the other extreme and end up in the same place.
You can’t be careful or go slow when your hormones kick in and infatuation starts taking over your decisions.
Your new friend whom you like spending time with will be next lover and it will end up the same as the last one.
The truth is: Things will not change unless you put conscious effort
The problem isn’t with who you are. The problem is your pattern. And this is why breaking the pattern you have long been following can help overcome your love addiction.
Here are a few steps to getting started with breaking your love addiction pattern:
1. Observe your behavior and find out why you fall off the wagon every time. Notice your dysfunctional pattern in your present and past relationships. Write it down and be honest about it without blaming anyone else. For the next 6 months, do not involve yourself in any romantic interactions unless you are in a committed relationship. This means no texting, emailing, dating apps, casual hookups, and even introductions by friends, colleagues, and family.
2. As you look at your dysfunctional pattern in your current and past relationships, do you find any similarity between your childhood experiences and the choices you make as an adult? If so, it’s no surprise.
3. If you aren’t engaged in a relationship right now, consider seeking professional help for your self-evaluation before you get into another relationship. However, if you are in a committed relationship, unless it’s abusive in nature, don’t make any decisions before analyzing yourself honestly.
4. Imagine how life would be if you take charge of your own happiness, successes, and failures, and love yourself instead of looking for it in places. Will it be satisfying?
5. Create a plan and strictly follow through daily. Initially, there will be waves of loneliness, frustration, and sadness at times. But after some time, you will have the most valuable thing with you. You will find and love yourself. It’s only after then you can choose the right partner and have a meaningful, though imperfect, relationship you have always wanted.
6. Love lasts forever only when you accept yourself and the one you choose as is. DO IT.
Breaking the pattern of love addiction can be difficult if you don’t have someone – a friend, family member or a partner or an experienced professional – by your side. If you’ve been diagnosed with love addiction and want to cope with it, holistic coaching for love addiction can go a long way. With it, you will know your dysfunctional pattern and will be ready to make a conscious effort towards a relationship you desire.
Holistic coaching by Certified Addictionologist (C.Ad), Michael Roth, who specializes in the areas of sex addiction and love addiction recovery coaching, is going to prove to be beneficial. Make sure you don’t hesitate to get in touch with him.